Skip to main content

Effective Communication, Not Constant Communication.

Constant communication is a trap.  

I learned this the hard way two years ago.  I couldn't figure out how I managed to make myself a target for yet another unsafe person.  And then it dawned on me.  I communicated with him.  I made myself available way too often and didn't set limits.  Well, never again.

Constant communication didn't give my brain a break to process all of the information the new person was telling me. 

Constant communication didn't give my brain a chance notice the red flags. 

Constant communication erased my boundaries that I set for safety. 

Constant communication gave the impression I wasn't really an independent woman who had a full life.

There's better ways to communicate and it doesn't have to be constantly.  If a person is truly safe, they'll respect your time limits, especially in the beginning.   


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why I Won't Recommend Bumble Dating

I recently decided to give Bumble dating a chance. 48 hours later Predator Jim's profile appeared.   Predator Jim, domestic abuser, was the man I was matched to on another dating app 3 years ago.   I couldn't believe it.  He took advantage of a feature Bumble offers.  A person can pay to spotlight their profile to potential matches.   And that's what he did. Nevermind my desire to only see matches within my local area.  Predator Jim who lives outside of my area, was still able to get his profile right in front of my face.  EWWWW. I tried to hide my profile in incognito mode so Predator Jim couldn't study my photos and profile again. Bumble makes you pay extra to go incognito.  I couldn't believe I was going to have to to pay extra for my safety.   So I left. I feel bad for any woman who sees his profile and tries to go on a date with him.  Unfortunately the dating apps don't have soundboards, threads, or chat areas so...
Post a Comment
Read more

Before You Go On The First Date

  Before You Go On The First Date Follow These Dating Safety Tips 1.        Predators and Unsafe People want all of your time and all of your money   Don’t Give It To THEM! You’re a grown person with an incredible, full life.  My advice is to devote 10 minutes a day to check and return dating app messages.  Conversations can get longer once the next step is complete. Also, Don’t tell strangers your real full name or reveal too much about where you live.  Set this boundary right away - "I'm here for friendship and conversation, because I know from experience a good relationship takes time to develop. " 2.   The background and character check        I made the mistake of skipping both steps 1 and 2 when I was matched to the domestic abuser.         Did you know that most counties offer a free on-line public records search?  Well, they do! And all...
Post a Comment
Read more

My advice: Don't Let Them Choose You. You Choose Them.

2 years ago I wrote a strongly worded dating profile.  I talked about my deal breakers.  Insecurity was the biggest deal-breaker.  Distance was the 2nd. More than one unsafe man didn't respect my wishes and contacted me anyway.  With one man, I just went with it despite the fact the distance wasn't ideal.  I told myself, "Well, maybe I'm asking for too much?  Maybe I'm being unrealistic?  Maybe this man wants a chance to prove himself!"   And he would.  He would prove how wonderful and charming he could be, SHORT TERM.   I have since learned it's really important to do the choosing.  When I think about my failed relationships, 100% of the time someone chose me.   Having said all that, I know not all relationships where a person was "discovered" or "chosen" ended in shooting flames.  I'm not that bitter that I can't acknowledge that.  And good for those couples! But it doesn't work for me.  And...
Post a Comment
Read more