Skip to main content

Before You Go On The First Date

 Before You Go On The First Date Follow These Dating Safety Tips

1.       Predators and Unsafe People want all of your time and all of your money  

Don’t Give It To THEM!
You’re a grown person with an incredible, full life.  My advice is to devote 10 minutes a day to check and return dating app messages.  Conversations can get longer once the next step is complete.

Also, Don’t tell strangers your real full name or reveal too much about where you live. 
Set this boundary right away - "I'm here for friendship and conversation, because I know from experience a good relationship takes time to develop. "

2.   The background and character check
       I made the mistake of skipping both steps 1 and 2 when I was matched to the domestic abuser. 
       Did you know that most counties offer a free on-line public records search?  Well, they do! And all
       you normally need is a first and last name. 
       Some counties sheriff’s departments also have a public inmate search.  Some counties like mine in  
       Trumbull County, Ohio have an extensive record search that goes back many years.  Other counties         here in Ohio will only show you the most current list of inmates. 

       When I looked up my match, I was horrified and it explained his unhinged behavior. 

       Domestic violence
       Restraining order
       Violation of restraining order
       Disorderly conduct
       Filed a false charge of child abuse

      Had I known how easy Step 2 is, I never would have set up a date with that man, let alone spend 
      hours of my days talking to him. 

3.    Tell your friends and family
        A predator loves secrecy.  Tell your friends and family (or someone you trust) everything you 
        know about this new person.   If they raise concerns, don’t ignore them. 

4.  Don’t Leave the Dating App.
      The unsafe person I was matched to couldn’t wait to get me off the dating app.  He said he couldn’t
      wait to hear my voice and texting would be faster.   I made the mistake of agreeing.  The benefit of
      using dating apps conversations are recorded for everyone’s safety.   DON’T LEAVE IT until you
      are 100% certain who this new person really is.


5.  Give Yourself a 48 Hour Pause in Communication.
      I took an unexpected pause in communication with the unsafe person I was matched to when I came
      down with a bad cold.  So our first date had to be postponed.  At the time I was devastated, but
      later I would thank God I got sick.
      What did I learn about this unexpected pause in communication? 
      Well, my brain had time to catch up and begin to process all of  the information Mr. Unsafe was
       telling me. For example, there was 100% blame on ALL of  the women he ever dated or was
       married to.   

       He was also a hypocrite.  He didn’t want to date anyone that was “fat”.  In reality, Mr. Unsafe
      looked nothing like his profile picture.      

      And I didn’t like that he wouldn’t ask for my permission.  He said, “Now, we’re not going to talk to
     anyone else.”  And “You’re going to stay in my house when I’m travelling for work.”
     Mind you, he was saying these things to me 4 days into conversation, sight unseen, hadn't been on
     the 1st date yet. 
     I mentioned in my profile my goal was not to make any changes. And I was going to take
     my time getting to know someone.  I planned to talk to several potential matches.  I found myself
     saying more than once, “NO, I’m not.  I’m not comfortable with that plan.”  

     The pink flags were becoming red flags. 
      I think this step is so vital.  Don’t skip it when you meet someone new.  Give yourself a chance to
      say,  “You know what.  I’ve thought about it and I’m not sure I really want to meet this person.”

    What I've learned is, the best relationships are based on time.  Only in time will mutual trust and
     respect be there.  In other words, there is no quick and easy way to develop an incredible
     relationship.  It's a long road that involves time and the willingness to put in the work.  

     It's my hope you meet someone incredible.  Keep safe out there until you do!


I Wrote A Strong Online Dating Profile.  Why Didn't It Work?https://incredibledatingadvice.blogspot.com/2022/04/i-wrote-strong-on-line-dating-profile.html
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My advice: Don't Let Them Choose You. You Choose Them.

2 years ago I wrote a strongly worded dating profile.  I talked about my deal breakers.  Insecurity was the biggest deal-breaker.  Distance was the 2nd. More than one unsafe man didn't respect my wishes and contacted me anyway.  With one man, I just went with it despite the fact the distance wasn't ideal.  I told myself, "Well, maybe I'm asking for too much?  Maybe I'm being unrealistic?  Maybe this man wants a chance to prove himself!"   And he would.  He would prove how wonderful and charming he could be, SHORT TERM.   I have since learned it's really important to do the choosing.  When I think about my failed relationships, 100% of the time someone chose me.   Having said all that, I know not all relationships where a person was "discovered" or "chosen" ended in shooting flames.  I'm not that bitter that I can't acknowledge that.  And good for those couples! But it doesn't work for me.  And apparently it isn't a good
Post a Comment
Read more

Will Expert Online Dating Tips Keep You Safe?

While scrolling through Pinterest I came across the article "Online Dating Tips for Women". I wondered if this dating expert's advice would have helped me in 2020.  Would this advice have helped me spot an unsafe match quickly? The answer is no, not right away.  The biggest safety tip missing from this (and most expert's advice) is the background check.   I think the reason a lot of experts won't mention the background check may have something to do with the controversy about whether it's fair to judge people based on their legal history. I don't know about you, but I've learned I'm a zero percent match with a convicted domestic abuser. I'm still recommending the background check EVERY time.  Most county's now offer a free public records background check through their county clerk of courts site.  The best part is the public records search is FREE.  All you normally need is a first and last name.  Keep safe out there!  
Post a Comment
Read more

I Wrote A Strong On-Line Dating Profile. Why Didn't It Work?

I really thought I was bulletproof to unsafe men on dating sites in 2020.   Because I had prepared myself by reading two dating safety books.  One was Love Smart by Dr. Phil McGraw.  The other was Steve Harvey's,  Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man .   So I was feeling confident because then I wrote the strong profile. I established my boundaries.  I talked about what the type of relationship I wanted to have. I was ready with Steve's suggested questions. I spelled out behaviors that were my deal-breakers.  And still 3 unsafe men contacted me.   What. The. HELL? The overall answer is unsafe people don't see themselves as unsafe.   And as a good friend told me, "Some people laugh at personal boundaries.  Oh, you have boundaries? Those are cute.  But, I don't think so."  Two of the men were obviously unsafe.  They called me names and harassed me because I didn't want to engage in conversation.  I solved that by blocking them right away.   O.K.  But why didn&#
Post a Comment
Read more