Skip to main content

I Wrote A Strong On-Line Dating Profile. Why Didn't It Work?

I really thought I was bulletproof to unsafe men on dating sites in 2020.  

Because I had prepared myself by reading two dating safety books.  One was Love Smart by Dr. Phil McGraw.  The other was Steve Harvey's,  Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.  

So I was feeling confident because then I wrote the strong profile.
I established my boundaries. 
I talked about what the type of relationship I wanted to have.
I was ready with Steve's suggested questions.
I spelled out behaviors that were my deal-breakers. 

And still 3 unsafe men contacted me.   What. The. HELL?

The overall answer is unsafe people don't see themselves as unsafe.  

And as a good friend told me, "Some people laugh at personal boundaries.  Oh, you have boundaries? Those are cute.  But, I don't think so." 

Two of the men were obviously unsafe.  They called me names and harassed me because I didn't want to engage in conversation.  I solved that by blocking them right away.  

O.K.  But why didn't Steve's questions give me a hint about the truly unsafe nature of the third guy?
This man was a pro at manipulation as I found out. 
He carefully studied my profile.   
He learned what my deal breakers were.  He knew NOT mention them as the reason his past relationships failed.  
He answered all the Steve Harvey questions perfectly.  

But he wasn't the "easy-going", "really nice guy" he was pretending to be.  Within 6 days, sight unseen, hadn't bee on the first date yet,  he unraveled and blew up when I couldn't match his strong feelings for me. 

Later I found out this man was a serial domestic abuser who had multiple convictions.  One of them being domestic violence.  What was also scary was he never hinted of any past trouble like this. 

I tell you this simply for cautionary reasons.  Sometimes the unsafe people will announce themselves very loudly.  Other times, they'll conceal it.  

If you stick to my dating tips you'll be better protected than I was in 2020.  

Do a free public records background check at the county clerk of courts site. 
Don't commit to strangers right away.
Don't be available for constant communication.

Keep safe out there!








 


  

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Before You Go On The First Date

  Before You Go On The First Date Follow These Dating Safety Tips 1.        Predators and Unsafe People want all of your time and all of your money   Don’t Give It To THEM! You’re a grown person with an incredible, full life.  My advice is to devote 10 minutes a day to check and return dating app messages.  Conversations can get longer once the next step is complete. Also, Don’t tell strangers your real full name or reveal too much about where you live.  Set this boundary right away - "I'm here for friendship and conversation, because I know from experience a good relationship takes time to develop. " 2.   The background and character check        I made the mistake of skipping both steps 1 and 2 when I was matched to the domestic abuser.         Did you know that most counties offer a free on-line public records search?  Well, they do! And all...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why I Won't Recommend Bumble Dating

I recently decided to give Bumble dating a chance. 48 hours later Predator Jim's profile appeared.   Predator Jim, domestic abuser, was the man I was matched to on another dating app 3 years ago.   I couldn't believe it.  He took advantage of a feature Bumble offers.  A person can pay to spotlight their profile to potential matches.   And that's what he did. Nevermind my desire to only see matches within my local area.  Predator Jim who lives outside of my area, was still able to get his profile right in front of my face.  EWWWW. I tried to hide my profile in incognito mode so Predator Jim couldn't study my photos and profile again. Bumble makes you pay extra to go incognito.  I couldn't believe I was going to have to to pay extra for my safety.   So I left. I feel bad for any woman who sees his profile and tries to go on a date with him.  Unfortunately the dating apps don't have soundboards, threads, or chat areas so...
Post a Comment
Read more

Would You Recognize An Unsafe Person If One Contacted You Online? Are You Sure?

Photos seem current and high quality enough.  Check.  Has a cute little dog in the profile photo.  Check. Not flashy.  Dressed casually.  Seems relaxed.  Great smile.  Probably a safe person to talk to, right?  Not in my experience unfortunately.  The photos, despite being quality were over 5 years old. The cute little dog didn't belong to him. Despite the great smile, relaxed portrayal, here's what I discovered when I looked up my match in his county's public records search -  Domestic violence Restraining order Violated the restraining order Probation Disorderly conduct Filed a false charge of child abuse Don't skip the detective work!  Do the reverse image search. If  that doesn't work, ask your match for his name and ask where they've lived.  Then go look them up in the county clerk of courts search. If the public records search comes up clean, that still may not be a good indicator this is a safe person.  As...
Post a Comment
Read more